Just to say I have gone back to my birth story post and added what I can, which surprisingly seems to be a lot!
So, have a read if you have a spare 10 minutes. :o)
Sunday 29 June 2014
Tuesday 24 June 2014
Another Absence & Apology!
I honestly don't know where to start, I've just been so busy hence not updating my blog in quite some time.
Work is going great, I love it - it's hard work but so rewarding and the hours fit around the rest of my commitments. Especially looking forward to my night shifts again this week, something about the quiet of the night (well kinda, there's still lots to be done but it's a slower pace) and it means I can get my professional development folder updated because there never seems to be enough hours in the day time to get any of that done then!
I got accepted to start studying on the first rung of the ladder to eventually becoming a healthcare professional and I'm so excited! It is going to be a massive challenge not only academically but also logistically because I'll be attending classes 4 days a week but I'm ready, I've waited a long time for this opportunity.
My children are all good. However, my oldest had a minor operation that's turned into a bit of a lengthy nightmare due to complications both directly and indirectly related to it and is now on his 3rd week off school. Hopefully though he's on the mend and now on the right medication and we can get him back on form and without any more delays. It's kept me very busy though, having him here every day which only adds to the manic pace of my life lately. All of them are going to my mum's for the whole of the school holidays in 4 weeks, and hubster and I are going to use the opportunity to work as much as possible and get the house sorted out. This year is the first year I've felt comfortable with letting all 3 stay in Scotland for so long, without us. It's nothing to do with my mum but everything to do with mum guilt and worry...I don't think that has gone but I need to let them go and they are so excited already, it'd be more cruel to not to let the youngest go this time as he loves my mum!
Surrobaby Fin is doing perfectly - he's now 14lbs something if my memory serves me right and keeping his dads busy. They are so in love with him and tell me regularly how they cannot believe he's really here and all theirs. He's off on his first family holiday to Italy on Thursday for his Uncle's wedding - 4 months old and jet setting already.
We had the DNA testing done that the court ordered, ready for the Parental Order hearing and all was as expected - I'd not be able to write this update if the test had shown he was anything other than his daddy's (and the donor's) because my heart would of stopped. LOL. However Cafcass have been less than straight forward, simply because the lady in charge of visiting both of us, getting written consent and submitting her report to the court, is a bit of a pain in my opinion. It's her first surrogacy case, not unusual because my first surrobaby's officer had never done one before but this woman seems to focus too much on some parts and not enough on the rest - which are all equally as necessary and important. She visited my IF's twice, the 2nd time meeting one set of Fin's grandparents. All very nice and jolly but not necessary and she could of used that time to sort things out my end. As it stands, I had one call off her last week to tell me an officer here where I live is to visit me to get my paperwork completed and that's it. This is since April. Oh and did I mention her report is to be filed in 3 days time. It's not my problem to be honest, harsh but really I am a small part in this matter - all I need to do is make myself available should an officer wish to visit or talk to me and sign my rights away when the paperwork is presented to me. I'm not going to chase after them which sounds a bit sharp but I've done my bit, I'm here to sign on the dotted line and that's it now. However, if I were my IFs then I'd be spitting fire because the woman quite simply seems clueless and now it's causing issues with the process. I hope by some miracle she pulls it out the bag but she's certainly cutting it close. I wonder (hope!) if she can submit my paperwork after her report goes in or whether it all needs to be done and dusted and put in - I suppose we're going to find out soon enough. Frustrating for my IFs though because they've done everything they can to expedite the process to where we are currently and now it's all out of their hands and in the lap of this woman. Hopefully all ends well and we'll be in court, as planned, on the 29th July to get the little man and his parents legally recognised on paper.
And now on to the consultation review appointment! Let me preface this by saying it was a very helpful appointment, I got a lot from it and closure too. Also more food for thought that I had expected but overall it was a positive experience. The consultant agreed that I got very unlucky to have such a mix of things come together at once. To get pre-eclampsia, be induced, have a cervical tear, antibodies in my blood and then a massive hemorrhage was very unfortunate and rare. Thankfully because it's rare, it means it may not happen again. She thinks that because I developed pre-eclampsia very late, it probably wouldn't happen again until late should it happen again at all. I'll be so well monitored and extra closely too that it could be managed with early intervention should it reoccur. Apparently the reason I had a hemorrhage was probably due to retained membranes after delivery. Now, this can happen to anyone first pregnancy or fifteenth (infact with my first surrobaby, I had retained membranes that caused an infection) but because my uterus wouldn't have been well toned due to this being my 5th pregnancy and delivery and so quickly after my last delivery, it meant it wasn't able to cope with that happening as good as someone with only 1 or 2 pregnancies to date. Her thinking is that the constant contracting of my uterus to expel the foreign material, just as it's meant to do, stopped the blood vessels from clamping down and controlling bleeding as much as they should of done - leading to a huge amount of clots from the blood pooling out of control in my uterus. Also, the fact I had 2 babies so close together (within 14 months of each other) didn't help - my uterus didn't have a chance perhaps to fully rest and recover to it's non-pregnant state. Yes, I am still at risk of that happening again because another pregnancy would be my 6th delivery but equally, it doesn't mean it will happen and/or be as severe as last time. I had assumed she would suggest an elective c-section if there's a next time but actually she said absolutely not, that I labour well, deliver quickly and the risks of a section from 'what ifs' would outweigh the benefits.
The antibodies it appears were actually present in an antenatal blood sample from 2007, that was when I was pregnant with my 2nd child! I was never told, which was dangerous as if I'd needed blood that time during childbirth, I'd of potentially of become very sick and more worryingly, the babies I've had since could of become sick in utero because I wouldn't have known to of been monitored. The consultant thinks I've tested negative for that antibody every pregnancy since because my levels dropped below detection but it always remained and at that level, low enough not to cause problem or concerns. If that's the case, I suppose I got lucky that it took another 3 pregnancies for it to become a problem. She said that they would monitor my blood levels very closely in any future pregnancies and if it reached a certain threshold then they would refer me to Fetal Medicine at my specialist hospital for further monitoring. Worst case scenario would be baby would need a blood transfusion whilst in my womb and/or photo-therapy post-delivery (the latter just as Fin had) but it's manageable and very few women get to that stage, it's certainly not as worrying as the more common Rhesus (D) antibody that everyone frets about and is more risky during pregnancy.
And finally, she said the cervical tear is a non-issue in terms of future pregnancies and competency in carrying a baby full-term. All in all it was good news and yes, we did have the conversation about whether I could or should carry another baby in the future and my fear of her screaming at me a resounding 'NO!' didn't happen. She of course said I should be cautious and consider everything but that if that was what I wanted to do then they would pro-actively manage my pregnancy, monitor and treat if necessary and hopefully get myself and baby through safely.
This lead to a massive discussion between my IFs and I, they have been amazing at supporting me through this process, along with digesting the information we've received and then making their own decision and it does appear that we will tentatively begin trying for a sibling in the near future. I'm excited, I'm apprehensive of course but I feel positive about it. I'm not dumb, this has taken a lot of thought and discussion with everyone involved from professionals, my IPs and especially from my family but ultimately I feel that the risks can be managed, and without the element of bad luck and bad timing (getting pregnant so quickly again) being present next time, that I can have a healthy and uneventful final pregnancy and that's why I offered to have one last surrogate baby. There is categorically no way I will have any further babies after this - I've always, and you can quote me on this on this and my other blog, said I would love to have sibling babies and that will be the case, if we're fortunate enough to get pregnant again. I'm done DONE and will go into this final journey knowing that and being completely at peace with that, no more unfinished business!
The timing of this sibling journey has been worked around academic commitments, I hope to carry and deliver before the course gets super intense and then when I'm done making babies I will be able to concentrate wholly over the next few years on getting my degree and getting my own career off the ground at long last. I like the idea that I have concrete future plans in place already for once my surrogacy days are over - I can't explain it, it just feels right - there's a certain logic and flow to our plans this time and it feels it's naturally meant to be this way.
I never went back and updated my birth story, it's not going to happen now either. I still have almost zero memories and my notes didn't particularly fill in any gaps and I've made peace for the most part that it's going to have to stay a bit of a blur and full of mystery to me. Does it really matter anyway? A little but I can't change it. I did read I was in theatre for a couple of hours to control the bleeding and at one point, Fin's heart rate dipped down to 60bpm but apart from those dramatic bits of info gleaned from my notes, it was all pretty much as I thought. It was what it was and both Fin and I came through alive and kicking and that's all the truly matters.
What else have I forgotten? Oh yes, AF did appear but not until the beginning of April and she's been unpredictable and weird for me (almost 3 weeks of spotting/bleeding) but I think things are starting to settle down a bit. I haven't missed them though and so I will definitely make the most of another break in dealing with them if I get pregnant!
I also appear to have rheumatoid arthritis. You may recall I talked a lot about random pains and joint pains in my blog since I had Fin, well it didn't get any better so I had some blood tests at my GP and it turns out my rheumatoid factor is high (80% of people who have a high level, are diagnosed with RA) and so I've got an urgent referral to a Rheumatologist next month. I was upset when it was first found but it makes sense and I just want to get some treatment and get on a management medication plan. With both my grandmother and my mum having arthritis/bone thinning, I'm not surprised. My grandmother infact was diagnosed within a very short period of time after delivery of my mum and they do think pregnancy can set the wheels in motion with the disease so it seems I'm following the same pattern. You know what? There's worse I could be dealing with.
In the course of testing my blood for the cause of my pains, my GP suggested he test my Vitamin D levels as a lot of women who have aches and pains and have a baby recently and especially who have had babies in short periods of time have low levels. Well, I'm apparently severely deficient and have been started on a high loading dose of prescription Vit D for 7 weeks and then will move onto a lower dose maintainence prescription for a year, with regular blood tests in there as it can be toxic if your levels go too high and cause kidney problems. Apparently most of the UK are deficient to some degree as the best source is sunlight. It's hard to get even the minimum requirement of it from your diet and over the counter supplements don't cut it for most and so all that and add in lots of babies making you even more deficient and yeah, I'm not surprised! My aches are definitely better from taking the meds already but we'll see when my blood test comes back, what effect they've had on my levels - not expecting much change after this initial high loading dosing but any climb in numbers would be encouraging.
Both of these conditions may have some impact on a future pregnancies and so I'll need to be mindful of them and consult with the professionals but neither is a reason not to have another, just makes it that bit more challenging perhaps? Plenty of women with arthritis have babies and actually find a lull in their condition due to the hormones and almost all pregnant women are low on Vit D during pregnancy and it causes no problems so just to put it in there in context to say that neither should be a barr to me enjoying a happy and healthy future pregnancy.
Right, this entry is turning into an epic so I'll stop but hopefully I filled you in on the latest and should another couple of months whizz by without an entry, I'm at least not going to be even further behind with catching up.
Next up is the Parental Order hearing and I'm certain I'll be back to share the news that it's all done and dusted - and without any delay, fingers crossed!
Work is going great, I love it - it's hard work but so rewarding and the hours fit around the rest of my commitments. Especially looking forward to my night shifts again this week, something about the quiet of the night (well kinda, there's still lots to be done but it's a slower pace) and it means I can get my professional development folder updated because there never seems to be enough hours in the day time to get any of that done then!
I got accepted to start studying on the first rung of the ladder to eventually becoming a healthcare professional and I'm so excited! It is going to be a massive challenge not only academically but also logistically because I'll be attending classes 4 days a week but I'm ready, I've waited a long time for this opportunity.
My children are all good. However, my oldest had a minor operation that's turned into a bit of a lengthy nightmare due to complications both directly and indirectly related to it and is now on his 3rd week off school. Hopefully though he's on the mend and now on the right medication and we can get him back on form and without any more delays. It's kept me very busy though, having him here every day which only adds to the manic pace of my life lately. All of them are going to my mum's for the whole of the school holidays in 4 weeks, and hubster and I are going to use the opportunity to work as much as possible and get the house sorted out. This year is the first year I've felt comfortable with letting all 3 stay in Scotland for so long, without us. It's nothing to do with my mum but everything to do with mum guilt and worry...I don't think that has gone but I need to let them go and they are so excited already, it'd be more cruel to not to let the youngest go this time as he loves my mum!
Surrobaby Fin is doing perfectly - he's now 14lbs something if my memory serves me right and keeping his dads busy. They are so in love with him and tell me regularly how they cannot believe he's really here and all theirs. He's off on his first family holiday to Italy on Thursday for his Uncle's wedding - 4 months old and jet setting already.
We had the DNA testing done that the court ordered, ready for the Parental Order hearing and all was as expected - I'd not be able to write this update if the test had shown he was anything other than his daddy's (and the donor's) because my heart would of stopped. LOL. However Cafcass have been less than straight forward, simply because the lady in charge of visiting both of us, getting written consent and submitting her report to the court, is a bit of a pain in my opinion. It's her first surrogacy case, not unusual because my first surrobaby's officer had never done one before but this woman seems to focus too much on some parts and not enough on the rest - which are all equally as necessary and important. She visited my IF's twice, the 2nd time meeting one set of Fin's grandparents. All very nice and jolly but not necessary and she could of used that time to sort things out my end. As it stands, I had one call off her last week to tell me an officer here where I live is to visit me to get my paperwork completed and that's it. This is since April. Oh and did I mention her report is to be filed in 3 days time. It's not my problem to be honest, harsh but really I am a small part in this matter - all I need to do is make myself available should an officer wish to visit or talk to me and sign my rights away when the paperwork is presented to me. I'm not going to chase after them which sounds a bit sharp but I've done my bit, I'm here to sign on the dotted line and that's it now. However, if I were my IFs then I'd be spitting fire because the woman quite simply seems clueless and now it's causing issues with the process. I hope by some miracle she pulls it out the bag but she's certainly cutting it close. I wonder (hope!) if she can submit my paperwork after her report goes in or whether it all needs to be done and dusted and put in - I suppose we're going to find out soon enough. Frustrating for my IFs though because they've done everything they can to expedite the process to where we are currently and now it's all out of their hands and in the lap of this woman. Hopefully all ends well and we'll be in court, as planned, on the 29th July to get the little man and his parents legally recognised on paper.
And now on to the consultation review appointment! Let me preface this by saying it was a very helpful appointment, I got a lot from it and closure too. Also more food for thought that I had expected but overall it was a positive experience. The consultant agreed that I got very unlucky to have such a mix of things come together at once. To get pre-eclampsia, be induced, have a cervical tear, antibodies in my blood and then a massive hemorrhage was very unfortunate and rare. Thankfully because it's rare, it means it may not happen again. She thinks that because I developed pre-eclampsia very late, it probably wouldn't happen again until late should it happen again at all. I'll be so well monitored and extra closely too that it could be managed with early intervention should it reoccur. Apparently the reason I had a hemorrhage was probably due to retained membranes after delivery. Now, this can happen to anyone first pregnancy or fifteenth (infact with my first surrobaby, I had retained membranes that caused an infection) but because my uterus wouldn't have been well toned due to this being my 5th pregnancy and delivery and so quickly after my last delivery, it meant it wasn't able to cope with that happening as good as someone with only 1 or 2 pregnancies to date. Her thinking is that the constant contracting of my uterus to expel the foreign material, just as it's meant to do, stopped the blood vessels from clamping down and controlling bleeding as much as they should of done - leading to a huge amount of clots from the blood pooling out of control in my uterus. Also, the fact I had 2 babies so close together (within 14 months of each other) didn't help - my uterus didn't have a chance perhaps to fully rest and recover to it's non-pregnant state. Yes, I am still at risk of that happening again because another pregnancy would be my 6th delivery but equally, it doesn't mean it will happen and/or be as severe as last time. I had assumed she would suggest an elective c-section if there's a next time but actually she said absolutely not, that I labour well, deliver quickly and the risks of a section from 'what ifs' would outweigh the benefits.
The antibodies it appears were actually present in an antenatal blood sample from 2007, that was when I was pregnant with my 2nd child! I was never told, which was dangerous as if I'd needed blood that time during childbirth, I'd of potentially of become very sick and more worryingly, the babies I've had since could of become sick in utero because I wouldn't have known to of been monitored. The consultant thinks I've tested negative for that antibody every pregnancy since because my levels dropped below detection but it always remained and at that level, low enough not to cause problem or concerns. If that's the case, I suppose I got lucky that it took another 3 pregnancies for it to become a problem. She said that they would monitor my blood levels very closely in any future pregnancies and if it reached a certain threshold then they would refer me to Fetal Medicine at my specialist hospital for further monitoring. Worst case scenario would be baby would need a blood transfusion whilst in my womb and/or photo-therapy post-delivery (the latter just as Fin had) but it's manageable and very few women get to that stage, it's certainly not as worrying as the more common Rhesus (D) antibody that everyone frets about and is more risky during pregnancy.
And finally, she said the cervical tear is a non-issue in terms of future pregnancies and competency in carrying a baby full-term. All in all it was good news and yes, we did have the conversation about whether I could or should carry another baby in the future and my fear of her screaming at me a resounding 'NO!' didn't happen. She of course said I should be cautious and consider everything but that if that was what I wanted to do then they would pro-actively manage my pregnancy, monitor and treat if necessary and hopefully get myself and baby through safely.
This lead to a massive discussion between my IFs and I, they have been amazing at supporting me through this process, along with digesting the information we've received and then making their own decision and it does appear that we will tentatively begin trying for a sibling in the near future. I'm excited, I'm apprehensive of course but I feel positive about it. I'm not dumb, this has taken a lot of thought and discussion with everyone involved from professionals, my IPs and especially from my family but ultimately I feel that the risks can be managed, and without the element of bad luck and bad timing (getting pregnant so quickly again) being present next time, that I can have a healthy and uneventful final pregnancy and that's why I offered to have one last surrogate baby. There is categorically no way I will have any further babies after this - I've always, and you can quote me on this on this and my other blog, said I would love to have sibling babies and that will be the case, if we're fortunate enough to get pregnant again. I'm done DONE and will go into this final journey knowing that and being completely at peace with that, no more unfinished business!
The timing of this sibling journey has been worked around academic commitments, I hope to carry and deliver before the course gets super intense and then when I'm done making babies I will be able to concentrate wholly over the next few years on getting my degree and getting my own career off the ground at long last. I like the idea that I have concrete future plans in place already for once my surrogacy days are over - I can't explain it, it just feels right - there's a certain logic and flow to our plans this time and it feels it's naturally meant to be this way.
I never went back and updated my birth story, it's not going to happen now either. I still have almost zero memories and my notes didn't particularly fill in any gaps and I've made peace for the most part that it's going to have to stay a bit of a blur and full of mystery to me. Does it really matter anyway? A little but I can't change it. I did read I was in theatre for a couple of hours to control the bleeding and at one point, Fin's heart rate dipped down to 60bpm but apart from those dramatic bits of info gleaned from my notes, it was all pretty much as I thought. It was what it was and both Fin and I came through alive and kicking and that's all the truly matters.
What else have I forgotten? Oh yes, AF did appear but not until the beginning of April and she's been unpredictable and weird for me (almost 3 weeks of spotting/bleeding) but I think things are starting to settle down a bit. I haven't missed them though and so I will definitely make the most of another break in dealing with them if I get pregnant!
I also appear to have rheumatoid arthritis. You may recall I talked a lot about random pains and joint pains in my blog since I had Fin, well it didn't get any better so I had some blood tests at my GP and it turns out my rheumatoid factor is high (80% of people who have a high level, are diagnosed with RA) and so I've got an urgent referral to a Rheumatologist next month. I was upset when it was first found but it makes sense and I just want to get some treatment and get on a management medication plan. With both my grandmother and my mum having arthritis/bone thinning, I'm not surprised. My grandmother infact was diagnosed within a very short period of time after delivery of my mum and they do think pregnancy can set the wheels in motion with the disease so it seems I'm following the same pattern. You know what? There's worse I could be dealing with.
In the course of testing my blood for the cause of my pains, my GP suggested he test my Vitamin D levels as a lot of women who have aches and pains and have a baby recently and especially who have had babies in short periods of time have low levels. Well, I'm apparently severely deficient and have been started on a high loading dose of prescription Vit D for 7 weeks and then will move onto a lower dose maintainence prescription for a year, with regular blood tests in there as it can be toxic if your levels go too high and cause kidney problems. Apparently most of the UK are deficient to some degree as the best source is sunlight. It's hard to get even the minimum requirement of it from your diet and over the counter supplements don't cut it for most and so all that and add in lots of babies making you even more deficient and yeah, I'm not surprised! My aches are definitely better from taking the meds already but we'll see when my blood test comes back, what effect they've had on my levels - not expecting much change after this initial high loading dosing but any climb in numbers would be encouraging.
Both of these conditions may have some impact on a future pregnancies and so I'll need to be mindful of them and consult with the professionals but neither is a reason not to have another, just makes it that bit more challenging perhaps? Plenty of women with arthritis have babies and actually find a lull in their condition due to the hormones and almost all pregnant women are low on Vit D during pregnancy and it causes no problems so just to put it in there in context to say that neither should be a barr to me enjoying a happy and healthy future pregnancy.
Right, this entry is turning into an epic so I'll stop but hopefully I filled you in on the latest and should another couple of months whizz by without an entry, I'm at least not going to be even further behind with catching up.
Next up is the Parental Order hearing and I'm certain I'll be back to share the news that it's all done and dusted - and without any delay, fingers crossed!
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