Struggling

I'm feeling hugely pregnant big time now and it's getting me down a bit, if I'm honest.

Not only am a physically carrying a heavy bump around but this little monkey never stops moving. Wouldn't be so bad if we were talking squirming and rolling but we're talking huge kicks that not only hurt but keep me awake. I do try honestly not to whinge about it, it's not like I didn't know this is how having a baby works but sometimes when I'm tired and crabby - which is a lot lately, it grinds me down.

I'm also juggling so much currently with my hubster who seems to always be at work, kids and their crazy schedules but also just keeping on top of everything else that a mum has to deal with and add in pregnant on top and I'm feeling worn out!

I've also had a bit of a dilemma with regards to seeing my mum, who you may recall from earlier posts, lives in the Highlands. It's a long slog to get to her - 14 hour drive, if you don't stop, each way. I didn't get to see her at Christmas and so we've not seen her since October and we're all very close so that seems like a lifetime away. The kids have half-term mid-February and so hubster and I discussed taking the oldest 2 up to stay for the week and waving to my mum as we pass through! Now, I don't have an issue with it. I'll only be 37 weeks, I've only had 1 out of 4 babies early and that was at 38 weeks and was my first - all subsequent babies have been 7+ days overdue and although of course I'm not a baby whisperer, I can't tell for sure when this one will arrive, the odds say it won't be that specific week. Except as a surrogate, it's not only my decision but I have 2 other equally as important people to consider and I'd never be so selfish as to simply put myself or their son at risk to meet my own desire to visit my mum but after careful consideration, I really feel like it's not an unreasonable thing to do nor is it a huge risk either. Unfortunately, my IPs aren't quite as sure and I fully understand why and their anxieties and have sought to try and reduce those potential situations as much as possible - instead of going up for the entire week, I will merely take the kids up and come straight back and vice-versa when picking them up.

My IPs can't understand why *I* am going and can't just leave my hubster to take the children there - well, there are actually several important reasons why which I really won't list here on my public blog but suffice to say, it's not a control issue, it's not just me finding reasons to justify a jaunt up North but there are good reasons why and I've explained them to my IPs but I can see from their point of view that no reason is good enough to go away 3 weeks from my EDD.

It is also important to point out that my mum doesn't live so remotely there are no medical facilities and so if the worst (best?) was to happen then at least baby will have access to suitable care. Also, none of my labours have been super quick - discounting my induced labour, the shortest one before was 15 hours and that was baby number 3 so yes, I do not have quick labour and deliveries!

So anyway, that's created a bit of friction that none of us wanted and that has left me feeling a bit guilty and upset - I really don't think I'm being unreasonable (nor do I think they are either for the record) but that I have to do this. I consider myself a very level-headed, sensible, experienced and considerate person and all that applies and more as a surrogate and I did not make my decision lightly but as I said to my IPs, my life goes on regardless of being pregnant with their child and my responsibilities to my own family aren't any less important because of that fact either. I hope we can just agree to disagree, I can do what I need to as quickly and smoothly as possible and baby stays baking and then we can sweep this blip under the carpet and enjoy the exciting few weeks of this pregnancy before the boy makes his much anticipated arrival!

In other news, we had our routine midwife appt on Wednesday. All seems fine, my BP was slightly up but not worrisome and I had some white blood cells in my urine sample but nothing of note. Baby was head down, still not engaged which is not unusual for anyone other than a first-timer and heartrate was fine.

We are booked in for our next community midwife appt in 2 weeks time and it's the same day as they run the antenatal class that covers labour and delivery. One of my IFs is coming along to that but sadly as I said before I think, the other one is snowed under with work and is unable to attend and he's very upset about that as this class is the most helpful but it can't be helped.

I was due to have my follow-up growth scan mid-Feb but as I'm now away, I called to re-arrange it. Unfortunately the consultant only works every other week and so she either had yesterday (the day I called to re-arrange), the 14th when I'm away or the 28th - when I'm not hopefully going to be pregnant any longer! Her secretary spoke to her directly and she asked me to go up yesterday afternoon to see her and to have the growth scan so hubster and I nipped along to antenatal clinic and were of course kept waiting which was a bit irritating considering the massive list of things I had waiting to get done back at home. Eventually I saw the consultant though who said it was too early to do a growth scan (? had she not told her secretary that that was her plan for the appt just an hour or so ago?) and so we had a chit-chat and I was booked in for the 28th after all. What a waste of time! I think both IPs - who were a bit miffed at the short notice appt and the fact they thought they would miss a scan, and I were less than impressed.

Only positive to come from it was that my vitals were checked again and my white blood cells in my urine have increased and I am now symptomatic of a UTI so they have sent the sample off and I'm to increase my fluid intake in the meantime and call Wednesday for the results. I hope in a way I do have one confirmed because I've not felt 100% the past week or so and also have a huge increase in braxton hicks which could be related to any infection as it irritates the uterus. It would be nice to have a reason for feeling so rubbish and to get it cleared up but we'll just have to wait and see.

So, almost 35 weeks now and a bit of an up and down time this past week or so but hopefully we can return to smooth sailing from this point onwards!

Busy Day

We had our growth scan today and baby is doing great! He's head down and my placenta is now high and anterior so both are great. He's growing well, up near the 98th centile for his tummy circumference and so that earns us a repeat scan at 37 weeks just to monitor it but they are not worried at all - it's just to see where his growth continues to be and he's not going to be a whopper! LOL.

Next was the consultant appointment and it was also pretty routine. BP and urine clear, seems like I'll be doing another 6 weeks of Clexane injections post-partum which is the same as last time and I have to have my BP monitored every 2 weeks until 36 weeks and then weekly from then onwards - again, just like last time but we don't anticipate any problem and it's just being pro-active.

We saw the Head of Midwifery next and she remembered me from last time and was as lovely as I remember and had been telling the guys. It was all standard and similar to what was offered last time and we're all more than happy with what was discussed with regards to what we'll be offered in terms of accommodating the guys during and after delivery. Two thumbs up from us all on that score. I did chuckle when she asked if I may be doing surrogacy again because I 'do do pregnancy very well' - it was a compliment so I'll take it. As we said, essentially, we don't know. A lot can change and none of us are making any decisions at this stage!

Finally baby's parents got to feel him move - well one of them did, the other must have iron hands or poor sensation in his hand because he couldn't! LOL. But one of them did and was grinning from ear to ear, I just wish it had been both but next appt hopefully.

So all in all, a great day and lots sorted. We're all in disbelief really that we're so close to meeting this little man, it seems to of sped up suddenly. We are all so excited though, we're really hurtling towards the big day now.

I'm feeling pretty good in myself, tiredness is continuing to hit me really hard and with 3 children who've been sick this past couple of weeks at one point or another and a husband who works a lot of nights, I'm shattered well and truly but as I said, not long now until this will be over and I'll be reminiscing over this time and wishing I'd cherished it whilst I could - 'bad' bits and all so no, no real complaints.

This little boy is so active, he's the most active baby I've carried so far, which has taken some getting used to and it makes it all the more real that I have a live human in my belly which I know sounds weird but it's easy to not give it deep thought when you have a quiet baby compared to one that jabs, rolls and kicks all hours of the day and night. I do enjoy it though, even when it's physically painful because once again, when it's over I know I'll miss it.

I am seeing my midwife for a routine appt on the 22nd and will be back to update after that.

32 Week Bump!

Where's The Time Going?!

I can't believe it was so long ago that I last wrote but there's not been anything baby related to report and of course I, as everyone else, have been busy with the festive period. I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and wish you a Happy New Year!

Lots going on next week, I have my growth scan on Friday which will be followed by a consultant appointment which I anticipate will be as routine and as much a waste of time as those appointments usually are but it's another thing done and closer to meeting this little guy! We will also be having our chat with the head of midwifery, the guys are a bit apprehensive about that but because I've met the woman before and it was a positive experience, I've got the benefit of experience so am not phased at all. There's really nothing I would ask to be changed this time around from my point of view - they were as accommodating as they are going to be and it suited everyone at the time and I see no different this time.

My urine sample came back clear from my last midwife appt so the protein meant nothing and I didn't have a UTI at that point but the following week I had the worst backache ever and I'm almost certain I did have one at that stage but rode it out, drank and rested lots and was quickly back to normal.

I'm now 31 weeks and feeling well still - tired but that's to be expected, especially with the children home from school until next week. I'm definitely looking forward to being able to nap again if needed when they go back! Insomnia is kicking my ass so hard, it was 5am before I dropped off this morning and when the kids are up at 8:30, that's a rough day ahead!

The guys are slowly but surely getting things in place for their son's arrival - the nursery furniture has been delivered, the travel system too and one has handed their notice in at work and will be leaving their job from the beginning of next month. It's suddenly getting very real.

Naturally conversation sometimes turns to when this boy will make his appearance, the guys have no feeling but obviously want him to stay put as long as possible - same as I do but I have a feeling he'll be early myself. Not premature but not on time or overdue, 3 out of 4 of my previous births have been overdue so the odds say this one will be the same but this pregnancy has not followed anything like what I'm used to so far and there's none of my genetics involved so I can't help but feel the birth will also throw up a surprise also. Not long until we find out, I guess!

It was my first surrobaby's 1st Christmas and his birthday is next week, that seems surreal that he'll be 1 already! I didn't hear anything over Christmas, not even one picture of the occassion, which was disappointing but I didn't expect any different really - I'm sure he had an awesome time and was spoilt and the same will be for his birthday but I wanted to publicly acknowledge it on both blogs since both are big milestone to note!

Looking forward to also finishing up my course the end of this month so no baby until after that please and thank you - honestly, time is just disappearing on so many counts lately, before I know it I'll be baby-free and wondering what next to do to fill my time. LOL. And no, not another baby. Well, not for a while anyway maybe. ;o)