First post of 2015 and wishing it could be a nicer one but it seems like I picked my IPs poorly once again, must be a knack I have. It's not something I'm going to air in public but I always said my blogs would be completely honest whether that was good or bad - suffice to say my former IFs and I are no longer friends after being lied to and them having zero respect for our supposed friendship. It's all very familiar. At this point I am absolutely sick of being trampled over though, I mean, fucking hell you give these people a baby they would never of had otherwise and they can't even be half decent afterwards. I'm so fed up of being continually disappointed by my IPs and, if you'd asked me over 5 years ago if I ever had concerns of being taken advantage of, lied to, treated like crap or cast aside then it would of been a resounding no - I had faith in IPs and expected they would treat a surrogate like she deserved (and vice-versa) but nowadays I'm actively warning IPs and surrogates of the potential for these kind of outcomes. I'm an intelligent woman as anyone who really knows me will agree, I guard my heart, I don't fall for promises of the world and yet twice I've been fooled into thinking people are something they aren't. It's times like these I'm glad I'm antisocial and avoid the world, some people sure suck and situations like this just prove it.
Surrogacy is still awesome, don't get me wrong and when it works - it works! I don't regret making the 2 babies I have either but boy do I wish I had not had the same bad experience twice, it marrs what could of otherwise been a fantastic experience and leaves a sour ending, which no-one wants. Wouldn't mind if I was as cold-hearted as them, or a terrible surrogate - maybe you could then argue I reaped what I sowed but I'm an awesome surrogate even if I do say so myself! I don't ask for much and I give it my all and I'm always me - no diva demands, no drama and absolutely always completely honest. I put so much into my journeys but maybe that's where I go wrong. First time I invested myself too heavily in every sense but this time I deliberately didn't and yet it still went wrong so who knows.
I honestly want to throw the towel in completely - hand my Facebook group over, prune all surrogacy people from my life and just forget I ever got involved with it all but, I love what I do and it goes without saying there are some fantastic people out there that I'm proud to call my friends and I would hate to lose those connections but right now I'm sick to my stomach of it all. I'm disappointed mostly, with some hurt thrown in.
However, on a more positive note - this all happened for the most part in 2014 and it is a new year, with new possibilities and the chance to leave all that disappointment and hurt behind. 2013 was a shit year for surrogacy and sadly it seems 2014 followed suit but 2015 hopefully won't and besides surrogacy I have so much good stuff happening right now, with more in the pipeline and so it's not all doom in gloom in my world and I'm drawing a line under the crappiness of last year!
