Sick And Tired

Literally (and no, not figuratively - for those of you who read about the literally vs. figuratively debate that's been raging!) tired and sick but we're mere days away from being in the 2nd trimester! I can hardly believe it but I'm very happy to leave the drama and drag of the first trimester behind.

We have our Nuchal scan and test on Tuesday, my odds will be lower than if I were a traditional surrogate because the age of the egg donor is what matters and is calculated for this test, rather than my own. I recall seeing my odds creeping up with each pregnancy, as my age advanced (I'm now 34, after celebrating my birthday last weekend!) but with my surrogate baby, we weren't given actual odds because the twin was still present and is thought in that case to skew the blood tests results so we just had the neck thickness checked and were told it was within normal parameters. This time around, not only is it a young donor but the other baby has completely vanished so I assume I will have the combined blood/scan test and get a 1: statistic result.

It's the end of the school summer holidays here and I'm very much looking forward to being able to nap during the day once again. I must admit I've been more fortunate than a lot of parents because my mum took the oldest 2 for 4 of the 6 weeks of the holidays and they only just returned a couple of days ago but I'm still feeling shattered and had the youngest here to care for and amuse which meant zero nap opportunities.

I'm awaiting the blood test results from my booking in appointment, they should of been back by now but my doctor said they weren't and to check up with the midwife. Not expecting any abnormal results but really just want to know my iron levels because I expect those to be low and I need something to pick them back up and that will hopefully help me feel a bit more perkier.

My IPs told one side of the family last week and videoed the moment and shared it with me - it was so lovely, I kept hitting 'repeat' and grinning like a lunatic. It isn't just a couple you complete as a surrogate but an entire wide family network. I know it made it feel much more real for my IPs and baby was very much the talk of the holiday. The other side of the family will find out at the end of September because due to family holidays, they are not all available at one time until that point. As I told my IPs, it just means another excuse to celebrate all over again!

I dug my doppler out from my previous pregnancy and decided to try and find the heartbeat as a surprise for my IPs. I don't get worried when I can't find the heartbeat the first time around because there's a lot of variables riding on when you may find it and so wasn't concerned when for a week, I couldn't detect it but then at 11 odd weeks, I heard it and took a recording for them and sent it over and waited for the response....except they couldn't open the link and I was trying to be all casual about it, so as not to ruin the surprise, whilst trying not to burst! In the end, with some fiddling, I certainly knew they had then seen it! LOL. They were blown away, I love doing things like that for my IPs because it helps them to feel connected to their baby in a special way and makes it feel more real. Such a little thing for me to do, that means such a lot to them. It's also now nice for me to be able to get some reassurance in just a few seconds.

I'm having a lot of stretching pains this week, nothing scary and no cramping but rather just sharp pains in my lower sides when I least expect it but apart from that and of course feeling a bit crappy, I'm doing well. I'm now off of all meds and that feels fantastic, I keep seeing packets of them all over the house and for a split second freaking out that I've forgotten to take them and then I realise! LOL.

Looking into reducing my carbs and perhaps starting Slimming World but need to consult my midwife about that first. I am looking to just get healthier and feel healthier than I do now, not necessarily lose any weight. Feeling sluggish and I'm sure my diet isn't helping that.

I'll be back to update after our scan on Tuesday!

All Good!

1 beautiful baby, bouncing around and putting on a real show for its parents.

Measuring spot on 12 weeks and healthy and happy.

Phew, we made it!

And today, this blog is going public....Welcome to my new followers/readers.

That's Not Right!

My sickness has definitely increased within the past week or so, it's pretty bad now and I spend a good portion of my day feeling fed up. Almost 12 weeks and feeling like I should be cut a break with feeling awful but someone isn't listening to the rule book on that it seems!

I'm about to cut my meds down tomorrow, which I'm excited about of course but I know that my IPs are anxious. It has to be done though and the baby is completely self-sufficient in terms of hormone support now so there's no need to continue.

Have the scan on Thursday, which will be nice and IPs can have their pic to take off for the big family reveal which is very exciting for them and I can't wait to hear how it went!

I will also be doing my FB announcement, I wonder how it will be taken by everyone but I've nothing to feel ashamed about and anyone I find talking negatively will be removed. I have never understood how something so selfless and completely fantastic can elicit negativity, well apart from ignorance about how surrogacy works usually but it's not my job to deal with their lack of Google skills - the info is out there if they want to know.

Will be back with a scan update at the end of the week!

Updates

It's been a busy baby few days, with our scan and then the midwife appt today!

The scan showed what we thought it would - the smaller twin has now disappeared and the sac has already started to shrink and be reabsorbed but the other baby is right on target. It was the clearest scan I've had at this early stage, baby was moving all around and even waved, no lie. A real treat for my IP, the one who had opted to come in for the scan because this EPU do not allow more than 1 person in the room unfortunately.

We had to deal with a really grumpy nurse in the unit, they now give you photos but you're not meant to open them in the waiting room out of sensitivity for others who may not of had such a positive outcome, which we fully understand and respect. With that in mind, we went down a side corridor and out of view so my other IP could see the pictures, having sat for a nerve-wracking 10 minutes all alone in the waiting room worrying but were 'caught' by a nurse who told us off and actually made us all feel bad and there really was no need. After all, are we not allowed to enjoy the happy news? Is someone elses bad news more important than our good? And, let's not forget we had sad news too, we did just lose a baby and at 10 weeks....We did apologise nonetheless but felt she had been over the top in chastising us, it was even more gauling when you consider the tiny baby that was in the waiting room whilst everyone sat for their scan, including us - that lady wasn't told to think of others and ushered to a seperate room. I mean, it is a maternity hospital, there are pregnant ladies and babies everywhere.

Anyway, we just tried to forget that unfortunate incident during what was otherwise a lovely day and one that gave my IPs lots of much needed reassurance. They keep telling me that it's all more real suddenly, seeing what looked like a real baby and being so close to 12 weeks.

Today we had our midwife booking in appt, it was strange to see the same lovely midwife again and so soon but we all got on really well with her - my IPs really liked her as much as I already know I do and we got the official paperwork sorted and the ball rolling with regards to booking my hospital care since I will once again have consultant lead care this pregnancy - just as I have with all of them.

All seemed ok so far, apart from my blood pressure which was 80/40 so very low. My midwife said that apart from presenting a fainting risk and it making me feel rubbish, it isn't dangerous for me or baby and to just sit or lie down if I feel faint and always carry something to eat and drink with me. It also part explains why I am nauseous a lot apparently, low BP can cause that itself.

We have a private scan booked in 2 weeks time, when we will be exactly 12 weeks. My IPs booked this because they are going away on a massive family holiday and want to share their news with pictures but we can't be sure that our NHS dating scan will be around the same time.

I'm still feeling sick all day long, am exhausted and generally feeling rough but that's to be expected so we just plod onwards until the next scan.

Shattered

I am so tired and nauseous all day long, this pregnancy is really sucking the life out of me. For the most part I'm fine with that - signed up for it after all but other times, I just get pissed off with it. I think half the trouble is there's no first-time excitement to carry you through. Last time, it was 4 years since I was last pregnant and so it was all exciting and new almost, and of course I had never been a pregnant surrogate before so all the exciting things that come with that first time, help to balance out the crappier parts of pregnancy but this time, that's not the case.

I just want to start feeling a bit brighter, I want to get off these bloody medications and I want the bleeding/brown gunk stuff to give it a rest. I can't wait for our scan on Thursday either, where hopefully the twin vs. singleton drama will finally be resolved. I feel ill enough to believe there are still 2 in there but I know from last pregnancy, where I felt worse when 2 became 1, to not think that's a sign itself.

My IPs are good, excited as we eek closer to the magical 12 week mark. We also have our first midwife appt next week which they are eager to attend and get the care ball rolling. I just take it a day at a time and try to keep my stomach contents where they belong!