I have the most amazing IPs. I realise that I've not spoken much about them or given them enough public kudos for everything they've done so far so this post comes to you with a generous serving of appreciation and love - if you've got a delicate stomach for a gushy post then click away now, or grab a sick bag!
From the moment we matched, they told me that my journey with them would be different and that they would prove it. They didn't expect me just to buy it, they knew of the entire saga of my previous match and swore they would never treat me or our journey in that manner and that they would show me that that was the truth.
Now, I'd of course heard that line before and it hadn't materialised and infact was worse in some ways at times than I could of even imagined in my dreams (nightmares?) so I was cynical but smiled in appreciation nonetheless and deleted it from my mind but these guys have proven it. Again and again.
Such a short amount of time from first talking, to matching, to ttc, to our bfp and beyond and yet it feels like I've known them forever but more importantly, I want to know them forever and vice-versa. Breath of fresh air right there.
They've never lied to me, I'm very good at catching people out so trust me, I would of sniffed a porkie or 2 had there been any. Having been around the 'block' in surrogacy too, I've heard all the platitudes and experienced enough fakery of my own and towards others, to know what's the real deal and what's not. Nope, these 2 are genuine, just like they promised me they would be. They've no need to lie, no facade to uphold, no flashy lives to maintain - nope, they wear their hearts on their sleeves, their opinions loud and proud and are exactly who they are - no disguise, no smoke and fire, just 2 guys who love each other and want to have a baby with an open and genuine surrogate.
Now, that's not to say we've not disagreed - I recall recently having a heated discussion with one of them and raising my voice and crying at him in sheer annoyance at the situation and his response but you know what? It was OK. He took it, he gave me some back and the world didn't end. There was no silence for days, no air of awkwardness, no me left feeling like I had to try and smooth things over or risk being labelled the bitch. We resolved it like, well, like adults do - adults that respect each other and genuinely care for one another , adults who don't like to upset someone else and who aren't just flexing their muscles. The truly surprising part though was that I was surprised! My past experiences had obviously made me come to expect something completely different as an outcome to a situation like that, and it was pleasant to find I was wrong.
It's the little things too, these guys are always telling me how much they appreciate me and the amazing thing I'm doing for them - despite my hatred of the word 'amazing' (see my old blog for explanation...), I believe their sincerity when they say it. The appreciation I get from them, when I've not done anything to expect or deserve it specifically, tells me it's genuine and that makes it so much more special. The spontaneous texts or messages, that tell me how in love with their boy they are, how much they are looking forward to seeing me next, what they've been buying and asking my opinion on whether it's necessary - all of it, it all shows me that they aren't just talking the talk and playing the game, they actually consider me a friend, value me and my experiences and see me as an equal.
They also do the sweetest materalistic things - they send me surprise packages, this started prior to us even heading for treatment. Little touches, sometimes like on my birthday - big touches. Each carefully thought out and showing an understanding about who I am, what makes me tick and that they've truly thought about what they've purchased and that means a lot. They listen to who I am, I'm not just a womb for hire. I'm not just a pet to be fed 'treats' to keep me under control and coming back for more - to basically keep me sweet, no they care about me - something that was unfortunately lacking in matches I'd had before. Actions speak louder than words and these guys have shouted at me from day 1 in both ways.
I feel incredibly fortunate to of found these guys when I was least expecting it, I wasn't even looking. Perhaps there is some truth in Karma and this is my reward for last time? Maybe good things do happen to good people after all, you just have to wait until the right time for it to occur? Were these IPs sent into my path to restore my faith in surrogacy and erase bad experiences and worse memories? I would like to think that may be the case, all I know for sure is that we are respectful to one another and all on a level playing field and that's all I ever wanted - no-one thinking they are better than the other and no games. We're all in this together, to create life and make the journey of doing that as smooth and happy as possible, why encourage or create drama and waves to spoil something that should be so easy going and fab?
I should also thank my former IPs in this post because without our match, I wouldn't now know what I deserve, what I need and what I want from this/any future match. It made me stronger person and a better surrogate.
Tomorrow my former IPs will legally become the parents of my first surrogate baby. A new birth certificate will be issued, my name and existence on paper will be erased. And the bond we shared whilst creating baby Oli will change, perhaps even end....we are still closing a chapter regardless of what happens past that moment. Even at the end, it's not been particularly amicable from my point of view - I've not had the wool pulled over my eyes again and see as clearly as ever the big picture. It's certainly not what I had hoped for but in seeing the positives about the situation, once again it's taught me how strong I am and what I don't want to happen at the end of this journey.
Not sure I can ever completely make peace with my previous experiences but for now, acceptance that I can't change the past is helping me the most. It is what it is, they are who they are and I've been the best surrogate for them that I could of been and did all that I promised. Same as I promised my current IPs and something I know I can deliver on, even if the going gets tough.
No, this post is supposed to be about being thankful for what I do have, rather than dwelling on what I didn't have before but in truly being able to recognise and appreciate what I have now, it's important to realise what I've been through prior too and how the two are connected.
In fairness though, of course there were good times in my previous match, but this post is about my current match and how I'm thankful for what I have going on now, with them. For the former, you'd have to head to my other blog (link up on the left <----- ) that was about that particular match and see the times I thanked them publically and talked about how appreciative I was for the great things they did during our match...
Anyway, here ends the gushy post but truly, my current IPs are rocking my socks! I love 'em. There endeth the love fest, my point duly made.
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