Struggling

I'm feeling hugely pregnant big time now and it's getting me down a bit, if I'm honest.

Not only am a physically carrying a heavy bump around but this little monkey never stops moving. Wouldn't be so bad if we were talking squirming and rolling but we're talking huge kicks that not only hurt but keep me awake. I do try honestly not to whinge about it, it's not like I didn't know this is how having a baby works but sometimes when I'm tired and crabby - which is a lot lately, it grinds me down.

I'm also juggling so much currently with my hubster who seems to always be at work, kids and their crazy schedules but also just keeping on top of everything else that a mum has to deal with and add in pregnant on top and I'm feeling worn out!

I've also had a bit of a dilemma with regards to seeing my mum, who you may recall from earlier posts, lives in the Highlands. It's a long slog to get to her - 14 hour drive, if you don't stop, each way. I didn't get to see her at Christmas and so we've not seen her since October and we're all very close so that seems like a lifetime away. The kids have half-term mid-February and so hubster and I discussed taking the oldest 2 up to stay for the week and waving to my mum as we pass through! Now, I don't have an issue with it. I'll only be 37 weeks, I've only had 1 out of 4 babies early and that was at 38 weeks and was my first - all subsequent babies have been 7+ days overdue and although of course I'm not a baby whisperer, I can't tell for sure when this one will arrive, the odds say it won't be that specific week. Except as a surrogate, it's not only my decision but I have 2 other equally as important people to consider and I'd never be so selfish as to simply put myself or their son at risk to meet my own desire to visit my mum but after careful consideration, I really feel like it's not an unreasonable thing to do nor is it a huge risk either. Unfortunately, my IPs aren't quite as sure and I fully understand why and their anxieties and have sought to try and reduce those potential situations as much as possible - instead of going up for the entire week, I will merely take the kids up and come straight back and vice-versa when picking them up.

My IPs can't understand why *I* am going and can't just leave my hubster to take the children there - well, there are actually several important reasons why which I really won't list here on my public blog but suffice to say, it's not a control issue, it's not just me finding reasons to justify a jaunt up North but there are good reasons why and I've explained them to my IPs but I can see from their point of view that no reason is good enough to go away 3 weeks from my EDD.

It is also important to point out that my mum doesn't live so remotely there are no medical facilities and so if the worst (best?) was to happen then at least baby will have access to suitable care. Also, none of my labours have been super quick - discounting my induced labour, the shortest one before was 15 hours and that was baby number 3 so yes, I do not have quick labour and deliveries!

So anyway, that's created a bit of friction that none of us wanted and that has left me feeling a bit guilty and upset - I really don't think I'm being unreasonable (nor do I think they are either for the record) but that I have to do this. I consider myself a very level-headed, sensible, experienced and considerate person and all that applies and more as a surrogate and I did not make my decision lightly but as I said to my IPs, my life goes on regardless of being pregnant with their child and my responsibilities to my own family aren't any less important because of that fact either. I hope we can just agree to disagree, I can do what I need to as quickly and smoothly as possible and baby stays baking and then we can sweep this blip under the carpet and enjoy the exciting few weeks of this pregnancy before the boy makes his much anticipated arrival!

In other news, we had our routine midwife appt on Wednesday. All seems fine, my BP was slightly up but not worrisome and I had some white blood cells in my urine sample but nothing of note. Baby was head down, still not engaged which is not unusual for anyone other than a first-timer and heartrate was fine.

We are booked in for our next community midwife appt in 2 weeks time and it's the same day as they run the antenatal class that covers labour and delivery. One of my IFs is coming along to that but sadly as I said before I think, the other one is snowed under with work and is unable to attend and he's very upset about that as this class is the most helpful but it can't be helped.

I was due to have my follow-up growth scan mid-Feb but as I'm now away, I called to re-arrange it. Unfortunately the consultant only works every other week and so she either had yesterday (the day I called to re-arrange), the 14th when I'm away or the 28th - when I'm not hopefully going to be pregnant any longer! Her secretary spoke to her directly and she asked me to go up yesterday afternoon to see her and to have the growth scan so hubster and I nipped along to antenatal clinic and were of course kept waiting which was a bit irritating considering the massive list of things I had waiting to get done back at home. Eventually I saw the consultant though who said it was too early to do a growth scan (? had she not told her secretary that that was her plan for the appt just an hour or so ago?) and so we had a chit-chat and I was booked in for the 28th after all. What a waste of time! I think both IPs - who were a bit miffed at the short notice appt and the fact they thought they would miss a scan, and I were less than impressed.

Only positive to come from it was that my vitals were checked again and my white blood cells in my urine have increased and I am now symptomatic of a UTI so they have sent the sample off and I'm to increase my fluid intake in the meantime and call Wednesday for the results. I hope in a way I do have one confirmed because I've not felt 100% the past week or so and also have a huge increase in braxton hicks which could be related to any infection as it irritates the uterus. It would be nice to have a reason for feeling so rubbish and to get it cleared up but we'll just have to wait and see.

So, almost 35 weeks now and a bit of an up and down time this past week or so but hopefully we can return to smooth sailing from this point onwards!