Anxieties

It is amazing how quickly the nerves set in once pregnant. I recall being this anxious with my first surrogate baby but the intensity of my fears feels stronger this time around. I think perhaps because of the time and effort put in to make a gestational baby is a bit more.

Nothing to base my worries on, just the usual first trimester ones. My hpt addiction is a little over the top currently but if it keeps me calmer for even a day then it is worth it.
 

Hpts are a nightmare though, so many choices and so much variation in quality. I had a bumper pack of 30 cheap Internet dipstick type tests and every one has been faint or almost non-existent. I even compared a First Response Early Result test (which is the most recommended one by almost everyone who ever peed on a plastic stick) and the cheap dipstick was shown up as even more rubbish when I put it next to my blaring positive First Response test.

I had to try the Clearblue Digital tests, with conception indicator. All ladies who are ttc love those as they flash up approx. how many weeks past conception you are - based on your hormone levels. Only one problem, all pregnancies develop differently and hormone levels can fluctuate so much one day to the next and this can affect the resulting reading on a Clearblue Digital test.

I took my first one at 9dpo and got a 1-2 weeks result and then on 12dpo, I took another and was disappointed to still see a 1-2 weeks pop up. Dumb when you think that it is completely correct, I know I am only 7 days past fertilisation so of course 1-2 week is correct but in my hormonally anxious mind, I couldn't stop thinking anything other than this meant bad news - it wasn't increasing as I had hoped it would. Thankfully my very good (and sane!) friend, R, who had a similar encounter with these tests talked me down and I am somewhat calmer this evening. I will just be happy when we get that first scan done and see a heartbeat, or perhaps 2!?

Daddies-to-be are as thrilled as ever and it is only now beginning to sink in. It well and truly hit me when I woke this morning almost dry heaving, yep, I am having a baby alright!