Drugs!

One of my lovely IPs sorted out a prescription to be faxed from the clinic in Czech, to a chemist accessible to him and then drove all the way from where they live in Surrey, to the east of London and then to me with the drugs I need for the cycle, so we could begin straight away and yet he still arrived on my doorstep with a huge grin on his face, despite being on the road for many hours already and having to still drive back and get some work done for the day.vHe was smiling when he left too, despite having met my 3 gorgeous but energetic children - one of whom was super hyped up as it was her birthday. Yes, he's definitely commited to making a baby of their own!

I am now the proud of owner of a bag full of necessary stimulating and supporting drugs. It all felt (feels) very surreal. It's moving lightning fast and I'm so excited but of course nervous too. I don't particularly like taking drugs if I can help it and sometimes even a paracetamol can cause me anxiety but this is for a different reason and it just feels a little less panic inducing than I imagined. I also keep remembering that I could be on a protocol that requires injectible drugs and so I'm thankful that it's just some pills.

I'm taking Progynova 6mgs daily and will continue that for the foreseeable future - at least until the end of the cycle or until beyond, if we get that bfp. Of course I had to read up on side effects which was a bit silly but actually, it doesn't appear too scary for most people so fingers crossed. I'm taking that at night, all in one go - not sure if that's how everyone takes it but there was no instructions to the contrary either. I remember I experimented with the times I took my Clomid, last journey and I came to the conclusion that it really seemed to make no difference so that's my stance with these ones too!

My IPs are getting excited that this is really happening too, strangely though because it's all moving fast I don't have any feelings of pressure on my shoulders which is nice for once. I am hoping this journey will be a case of wham bam, thank you, Ma'am. I think when you do multiple cycles, you get jaded and you become cynical and it all begins to weigh heavily on you as you try to analyse what went wrong, what you did wrong, what you could of done and what may work next cycle and that excitement of ttc wears pretty thin quickly. No, I much prefer the thought of feeling simply comfortable with IPs, cracking on, not thinking too much, getting a bfp and having their baby, the end. I don't mean that in a bad way either, I just mean that having taken the long road last time, it would be great to take the shorter route this time.

The odds of success are pretty impressive with this clinic and I've read a lot of threads from people who have good things to say about them, even those who didn't get a bfp (big fast positive, on a pregnancy test) first time around or sometimes one at all. The success rate for FDET (frozen donor egg treatment) is about 65%,  which means a + hpt (home pregnancy test) and with an almost 50% ongoing pregnancy rate, which means that a heartbeat is detected. That's a flip of a coin success rate and any which way you slice it, that is impressive and far more than the quoted 12% per cycle when doing traditional surrogacy. When you also bear in mind that that success rate is based mainly on women who have some serious fertility problems (why else would they be having assisted conception) then this proven fertile woman, with 4 pregnancies and births behind her, should be a pretty sure thing for a bfp, right?! I know, I know, that's not how this thing works but the odds should be higher for me than the impressive ones quoted for everyone else and that makes me happy.

It would be fab to only have to do the 1 cycle, for obvious reasons but also I certainly wouldn't be sad to only have to fly to the clinic the once either. I'm very nervous about that part of this but I prefer to push it to the back of my mind for now. My IPs have said they will be holding my hand, literally, on the journey and we're all petrified for one reason or another currently so we're all going to have to be brave in various ways and the flight will be my turn.

I haven't told anyone other than my surrogacy best friend and my husband what is happening because I don't want the pressure of people watching my cycle and especially during the dreaded 2ww (2 week wait, time between ovulation and when your period is due). I've decided not even to tell my family at this point because firstly, they will think I'm a bit crazy for wanting to do it all over again when my first journey wasn't that great and only ended 5 months ago. I don't need anyones permission or blessing, it's my body and my life and as long as the 4 most important people in my life are happy with what I'm doing then that's all that matters. When I get pregnant obviously I will tell them but for now it's not necessary. One mistake I made last time was telling far too many people, too soon and it heaped on the pressure when cycle after cycle passed and I was still not pregnant.

As I mentioned the 2ww just then, I want to say how stupidly excited I am that with GS, you don't have a 2 week wait. No, because they transfer 5 day old blastocysts, that shaves 5 days off of a typical 2ww and as you can test in a normal ttc situation from 10dpo and possibly get a + result, I only have to wait around 5 days before I can begin testing. That makes me happy because as I said before, I'm the world's most impatient person and to be able to start POAS (peeing on a stick - taking a pregnancy test) after only 5 days is fab! Thankfully my IPs also say they want to know asap so they can prepare themselves so it'll be all pee systems go shortly after transfer.

Ideally I had wanted to lose some weight (don't all us women?) before my next pregnancy but time is ticking and since I want to be done and dusted by the time I'm 35, which is next August, then I don't want to delay my next journey at all if I can help it. I've got pregnant 4 times at this weight, and infact when even heavier, and the clinic say it makes no difference to the outcome of treatment either so I'm cracking on. I may be a bit larger than I'd like, and bear in mind I only had my surrogate baby 5 months ago, but I am healthy and never gain anything in pregnancy but either stay the same or lose weight infact. Excess weight only really affects fertility because it puts hormones out of whack but even at my current weight, my hormones were never a problem and because this is GS, they don't matter at all anyway as it's all controlled for me.

So, day 3 of my cycle and another 9 until I have my transvaginal scan to measure my uterine lining thickness. I haven't had any lining problems anyway and we're supplementing with the hormones that make it grow so I don't foresee any problem with this stage at all.